There are No Bootstraps
It’s an old saying that people have often stated when told that someone is struggling with a mental health disorder; “Pull it together,” or “Pull yourself up by your bootstraps and get going!”
However, healing from a trauma-related disorder is not that easy. Healing can take a long time and cost a lot of tears. This article will focus on how it is impossible to pull oneself up by their bootstraps as they do not exist and what is involved in healing.
What is Complex Trauma?
Unlike trauma, which refers to a single incident, complex trauma is a series of traumatic events taking place over a long period. Complex trauma is usually invasive and interpersonal such as:
- Child abuse
- Child neglect
- Child abandonment
- Ongoing domestic violence
- Witnessing violence repeatedly
- Forced prostitution.
- Torture
- Slavery
- Becoming a prisoner of war
The effects of complex trauma on humanity vary depending on the victim’s age and their individual abilities to cope.
Symptoms of complex trauma are as follows:
- Always being ready for danger
- Being easily startled
- Self-destructive behaviors
- Insomnia
- Trouble concentrating
- Guilt
- Shame
- Irritability
- Angry outbursts
- Aggressive behavior
- Relationship problems
- Low self-esteem
- Problems controlling or showing emotions
Another symptom found in adults who have experienced complex trauma is dissociative symptoms, such as are found in dissociative identity disorder (DID).
Dissociating to Cope with Complex Trauma
One coping strategy employed by children to escape highly traumatic occurrences is dissociation. Dissociation is a normal response to boredom or overwhelming circumstances such as recurring traumatic events.
Essentially, a child who finds themselves in untenable circumstances with no escape pretends they are not there and that the abuse is happening to someone else. Over time, if no rescue comes, the child will miss a significant milestone where their personality is meant to merge into a single entity. Instead, the others they had relied upon for protection from reality become broken-off parts of themselves who take on their own lives.
In childhood, this type of dissociation and switching from one part of the child to another isn’t terribly noticeable, being put off as one of the oddities of childhood. But, when these children attain adulthood, what was once an excellent adaptation to survive severe abuse becomes a problem.
It Is Impossible to Simply Ignore Complex Trauma
Dissociative identity disorder isn’t a mental health condition that can be solved by simply pulling oneself up by their bootstraps. Healing requires first finding a therapist who will work with you, which can take many years, then passing through many hours of hard and treacherous work in therapy.
If anyone doubts that healing from DID is hard, let them try to find someone to help them to recover from a disability they did not cause and that some mental health professionals do not believe exists even though it is in the DSM.
One cannot walk away from their past as it is an intrinsic part of who they are. It is necessary to face the past head-on and deal with the emotional turmoil one went through as a little child as their adult self.
Complicating the picture is that treatment of dissociative identity disorder involves dealing with not just one person but also with the splintered other parts of themselves.
You cannot and will not get well from DID or any other trauma-related mental health problem by walking away. It is impossible. Do not even try it.
Ending Our Time Together
The proverbial bootstraps do not exist. There are no magical pills or shortcuts to healing from complex trauma or other mental health conditions. It takes hard work and determination to overcome the effects of complex trauma.
Dissociative identity disorder can take anywhere from a few years to decades to treat successfully. There is no quick recovery from the overwhelming events that adults living with DID survived.
How long does it take to heal?
“It takes longer than what you want but shorter than what you fear.” Stated my therapist Paula McNitt when I asked her that same question.
Healing is indeed possible, and I am a poster child for that fact. If someone as weak as I am can accomplish healing, so can you.
“Scars have the strange power to remind us that our past is real.” – Cormac McCarthy.
“Pain is a pesky part of being human; I’ve learned it feels like a stab wound to the heart, something I wish we could all do without in our lives here. Pain is a sudden hurt that can’t be escaped. But then I have also learned that because of pain, I can feel the beauty, tenderness, and freedom of healing. Pain feels like a fast stab wound to the heart. But then healing feels like the wind against your face when you are spreading your wings and flying through the air! We may not have wings growing out of our backs, but healing is the closest thing that will give us that wind against our faces.” – C. Joybell C.