Dissociative Identity Disorder and Relationships

Posted On July 20, 2023

Relationships are hard for everyone to navigate with emotional attachment and fear of abandonment by your newfound love. But what if you are living with dissociative identity disorder (DID)? How do you navigate the drama of being in a relationship with a partner healing from trauma?

 

This article will tackle this subject and hopefully leave you feeling better able to reach out to and maintain a healthy if sometime rocky, relationship.

 

How Does DID Affect the Communication in a Relationship

 

 

Relationships are meant to be, at least in a monogamous one, two-way communication between two partners. In most relationships, sex is a given as both enjoy physical pleasure, bringing closeness to the couple.

 

However, dissociative identity disorder changes all that. Communication between the pair is often strained as the person with DID tends to hide their pain and problems leaving their partner in the dark.

 

If the open and honest communication between the pair falters, the couple is left feeling that there is more to what is happening and raising suspicion.

 

A relationship cannot stand if there is no communication. Most people who have DID want to hide their diagnosis and suffer alone. It is difficult for them to open up and share what is happening to them, even with their significant other.

 

How Does DID Affect Relationships Overall?

 

 

Relationships do well and experience growing intimacy when the pair relate to one another. When, as we have seen, both people who love one another share their thoughts and hopes for the future as well as any problems they are having, the relationship grows closer.

 

Those who live with the DID diagnosis in these relationships and those who do not (singletons) will experience a strained relationship if they cannot communicate their needs and wants to each other; in short, the relationship will die.

 

It is critical for the person in the relationship who has DID to open up to their partner about what happened to them and share the loneliness and fear they are feeling being in a relationship without telling of their past.

 

In my own experience, I was reluctant to relate to my ex-spouse the pain I was in, preferring instead to lie to him about how I was feeling. I was so ill that I hated sex and faked it for over eight years. This behavior was irresponsible and hurtful toward my spouse, leaving him wondering what was wrong and not knowing how to fix it.

 

Eventually, the relationship died, and we were divorced. Looking back, I can see that I never tried to connect with him; I cheated him from knowing who I truly was.

 

Our relationship died a brutal death, and although he had something to do with our breakup, it was mainly my lack of trust and fear of intimacy that caused the murder of what could have been beautiful lifelong closeness.

 

After the maltreatment of childhood that for many with DID began very early in childhood and carried on for many years, it is worse than challenging to trust. Indeed, trusting others as an adult survivor with DID is extraordinarily difficult.

 

What You and Your Partner Can Do

 

 

Learning to have a relationship when someone you love has DID is a challenge. However, there are some things you can do to ease your situation with your partner.

 

Encourage them to attend therapy. Going to therapy takes a lot out of a person, and what is discovered about childhood trauma is unpleasant. However, one cannot heal from DID alone; it takes professional help to deal with the horrendous effects that accompany recovery.

 

Be very patient with your partner who has dissociative identity disorder. Although it will be difficult, be patient with your partner. They have been through so much and need a safe home base to rely on. Eventually, if your loved one keeps in therapy and works hard, they will slowly heal.

 

Purposefully understand triggers. Many things can trigger a switch, frighten, or anger a person with DID. Be aware of what makes your loved one feel uncomfortable or causes them to panic. Do not attempt to tell them what they are experiencing is not real because it was true at one time, and your loved one is reliving the past. If they become triggered, wait until your partner asks you for help before offering it. If you do not, you may be emotionally wounded by what they say in their fright.

 

Just listen. If your partner begins to tell you what happened to them, feel honored and remain silent. Don’t look like you are stonewalling them but listen intently to what you are saying, and if you feel emotionally moved, show it. They need to know someone cares and loves them.

 

Learn as much as you can about DID. There are tons of resources on the internet to help you better understand dissociative identity disorder. Be careful, though, because some people spread false information about the disorder. Those who sensationalize DID or get paid to act out on screen for profit may not have the disorder and are just faking it.

 

Ending Our Time Together

 

Living with someone who has DID can be a good experience. I know of one man who loved his wife’s alters so much that he made a garden with things to remember each one when she died.

 

People with DID do want to have relationships just like everyone else. However, fear of closeness, sex, and abandonment forces them to live in isolation. If we are lucky enough to find someone like you who is reading this piece to help, life will change in so many good ways. We make excellent partners if you are patient with us and do not try to force any issues.

 

I hope you have learned a little bit about your partner today. I intended to broach the subject of having a relationship with someone with dissociative identity disorder to help you and your partner excel.

 

Thank you for caring, and good luck.

 

“It is an absolute human certainty that no one can know his own beauty or perceive a sense of his own worth until it has been reflected back to him in the mirror of another loving, caring human being.” – John Joseph Powell.

 

“Loving someone can be hard at times. You risk a lot when you love – your heart and soul, at least. Love is the most important and most rewarding investment you can make in another person.” – J.E.B. Spredemann.