Victim Mentality

Posted On October 6, 2023

We’ve all been there. We wake up some mornings with a bad attitude toward life. We feel the world is against us and wish people would treat us better. For most people, that sucky attitude passes as we get on with our lives.

 

However, what is it like to always feel like a victim and blame anything other than ourselves for our condition? This article is about victim mentality, especially in survivors of childhood violence, and how to change their outlook.

 

What is Victim Mentality?

 

 

A learned behavior, victim mentality, causes survivors to believe they have no control over what happens to them in their lives and that nothing they do matters. These survivors think bad things will always happen to them and that other people or their situation is to blame.

 

No doubt, survivors of childhood abuse were victims when they were children. There is absolutely no contesting that. But what about today? Can you change your outlook and behaviors today?

 

You will find victim mentality in people who have suffered complex trauma as the survivors struggle to understand who they are in the context of living through childhood trauma. These survivors might feel that no one understands their pain or what they are going through and deny the fact that life isn’t fair or easy for everyone.

 

Victim mentality is often caused by feeling powerless because they do not take responsibility for their lives as adults. Many people attending therapy for childhood maltreatment treatment often fall into victim mentality for a while until they have a type of epiphany where they understand no one can change their lives but themselves.

 

Victim Mentality as a Coping Mechanism

 

 

Often, people develop victim mentality as a coping mechanism, but it can also be a symptom of other mental health conditions such as depression, chronic anxiety, or complex post-traumatic stress disorder.

 

Victim mentality is harmful in that one cannot escape one’s life, and these folks tend to lose themselves. They blame everything that goes wrong in their lives on others or, in the case of DID, their alters or their abusers. In reality, they have control over what happens to them today but must make better choices and begin seeing that their choices have caused them pain now that they are adults.

 

All that being said, it is critical to remember that most of the time, people fall into a victim mentality as a natural result of trauma. As such, they are not entirely responsible for falling for the thought pattern that they are forever victims. These folks cannot see the forest for the trees, so to speak.

 

The Signs of Victim Mentality

 

As we’ve discussed, victim mentality is a psychological term describing a mental mindset where people feel persecuted and avoid self-responsibility. People suffering from victim mentality feel life doesn’t seem fair and that no one they know understands their pain.

 

Other signs and symptoms include the following.

 

• Avoiding responsibility for their actions.
• Refusing to look for solutions.
• Feeling angry, resentful, or frustrated.
• Feeling powerless.
• Having a profound lack of self-confidence.
• Engaging in self-sabotage.
• Engaging in negative self-talk.
• Feeling life is against them.
• Blaming others for your life’s problems.
• Feeling stuck.
• Feeling guilty.
• Feeling depressed.
• Constantly feeling ashamed.
• Feeling no one cares for them.

 

These symptoms and signs of victim mentality cause considerable problems in one’s life as they can stop someone from having and maintaining healthy lifestyle habits and disrupt your work life and relationships.

 

The Causes of Victim Mentality

 

 

Betrayal of trust is the root cause of victim mentality, in which a person is exposed to many negative experiences. These experiences do not only happen in childhood but can also be an integral part of an adult’s life. Some of these experiences may include traumatic run-ins with others, such as caregivers or unreliable and abusive partners.

 

These painful and stressful situations lead people to react negatively in the future by boxing them into reactive thinking and not allowing them to grow. Exploitation of their emotions by others is also a cause of victim mentality. When you have experienced exploitation by others in your emotions, energy, security, or personhood, there is a basic lack of trust between you and others.

 

Because of the lack of healthy interactions with other people who have been victims in the past, they often remain trapped in their history, not understanding how to escape. Thus, these folks think of themselves as forever victims, never having had the chance to grow in the past and thinking they cannot grow now or in the future.

 

Blaming people who have harmed them for their behaviors today leads to a lifetime of misery unless that person is capable of rising above and allowing themselves to take a hard look at what they are doing wrong.

 

The cage door is open, but sometimes, even a cage can become comfortable, so we allow ourselves not to escape.

 

How To Escape Victim Mentality?

 

 

As we have seen, victim mentality crushes the souls of those who live under its black umbrella. The person is trapped in a negative mindset that states they cannot grow or learn because of what someone else did to them.

 

Growth comes once we begin to work on ourselves despite what others have done. However, it first takes admitting that we are not working on all thrusters when we are negative and sour about life.

 

If you identify with the signs and symptoms of victim mentality, you might wonder how to escape its trap. Here are a few tips on how to break free and get yourself into a better mindset.

 

Either leave the situation or learn to accept it. If you are caught in a relationship you are not satisfied with, you can leave. You should leave if you are experiencing abuse by another person or are unhappy with how things are going in that relationship. If you wish to stay, it is time to accept that other person as they are and stop trying to change them. You cannot change anyone but yourself.

 

Accept that the past is the past and cannot change. No matter who you are, you cannot change history. It is over. It is done. It is now time to move on with your life and not forget but memorialize your struggles by healing. Learn from your mistakes in how you handled your situations as an adult.

 

Take responsibility. You are completely and utterly responsible for your life today. All your choices, whether influenced by past pain or not, are yours and yours alone. There is a great deal you can control in your life situations, and you can control how you react to them.

 

Engage in self-love. Treat yourself with kindness and love. You deserve it; you really do. You are not a bad person, you are not a waste of skin, you are valuable and beautiful. Treat yourself that way with respect and empathy.

 

Use the word ‘no’. It is perfectly okay to say ‘no’ to anything anyone asks of you. If it doesn’t align with your values or what you want for your life, look them in the eyes and say a resounding ‘no.’

 

Practice gratitude. You may ask, “What do I have to be grateful for?” Can you see it? Do you have enough food in your refrigerator? One can always find something to be grateful for if you look past the negativity you’ve fed your mind on.

 

Seek out a trauma therapist. If you find you cannot break free of victim mentality on your own, and many cannot, it is time to seek out someone who can help you and who is trained in the care of the traumatized. Yes, what happened to you was trauma, and a trained mental health professional can help you sort out your life and get a better perspective.

 

Ending Our Time Together

 

There is nothing just about what happened to you. The trauma you have endured has changed you, and the scars will remain even after you have healed. The people who perpetrated against you will probably never face justice under the law, and even if they do, you will find little satisfaction.

 

Those are the facts, but they need not crush you. You can get revenge against those who hurt you by living and living well. Prove to them that they did not break you by lifting yourself up.

 

You are now only a victim if you choose to be. The past is gone; you have this moment and no more.

 

When I was first diagnosed, I was a mess. I felt so betrayed, alone, and furious at what I had endured as a child. My adult life was mixed up with me searching for love but not understanding what I needed.

 

It took me a long while to conquer my own victim mentality, as for a few years, I felt like the world owed me for what had happened to me in childhood. I saw every challenge to my thinking as unjust and wanted to be seen as ‘poor Shirley’ who never recovered after she was harmed.

 

Now, I live from day to day and understand deep down where it counts that I am in complete control of my life and destiny. I take full responsibility for my actions and my thoughts, and although I am nowhere perfect, I accept myself with all my flaws.

 

I hope you, too, will find the strength to climb out of being a forever victim and find your freedom in the light of life.

 

“I am not a victim. No matter what I have been through, I’m still here. I have a history of victory.” – Steve Maraboli.

“There is a fine line between compassion and a victim mentality. Compassion, though, is a healing force and comes from a place of kindness towards yourself. Playing the victim is a toxic waste of time that not only repels other people but also robs the victim of ever knowing true happiness.”- Bronnie Ware.