Loneliness and Dissociative Identity Disorder
When you think of the recent epidemic, what do you think of? Losing money? Getting sick? Hospitalizations? Death? All of these things were part of the COVID-19 epidemic that swept the world.
However, did you know that there is another direct association between the epidemic and people, especially those living with dissociative identity disorder: loneliness.
This article will focus on loneliness, how it begins, and some things we can do to heal from it.
The US Surgeon General
The United States Surgeon General on May 3, 2023, put out an advisory calling loneliness an epidemic in the US. She explained that loneliness is affecting 29% of the physical health of people who have poor or insufficient connections causing heart disease. Lonely people also have a 32% increased risk of a stroke, and a 50% uptick risk of developing dementia.
As if the above weren’t bad enough, there is a 60% increased risk of premature death because they lack social connections.
Loneliness doesn’t just manifest as physical symptoms; our mental health is impacted as well. Those who are lonely often experience depression, anxiety, difficulty managing their emotions, and increases in stress levels. A person who is lonely might also have difficulty falling asleep and staying asleep.
What are the Causes of Loneliness?
There are as many causes for a person to feel lonely as there are people who experience it. However, there are a few causes that stand out from the rest.
One of the worst culprits of causing loneliness is the common use of electronics. We don’t sit down and talk anymore, instead we text or message one another. We don’t visit one another’s homes or join clubs or churches to be around others. We have lost the arts of conversation and active listening.
Electronics, especially gaming, isolates people causing them to only be part of the virtual world instead of the real one. Their “friends” are made up of virtual characters who are the fruits of a programmer.
Social media sites also offer isolation as their prize for mindlessly chatting for long periods of time with a virtual “family” but never being in their presence.
The Scars of Loneliness
Another great creator of loneliness is having survived childhood abuse. Abuse and neglect have much in common and neither is worse than the other. Neglect leaves a child left alone with their thoughts and fears. These children have no safe base to turn to and no one to comfort them. They sometimes receive nurturing on a hit and miss basis but that is not enough to end the child’s isolation.
This maltreatment leaves deep scars that will not heal on their own when the child reaches adulthood as often therapy of some type is needed.
Dissociative identity disorder and the various dissociative disorders are scars made on the human soul from loneliness and isolation as a child. We had no one we could count on so we turned within looking for solace. The various alters are a representation of how much pain we endured as children.
Being alone is not the same thing as being lonely. Sounds unusual? Well, this author loves to be alone, but I never am because of the others in my system. We, as a system, are never or hardly ever lonely.
Are You Lonely?
Sometimes when a person is overwhelmed, they may not recognize that their primary problem is loneliness. This phenomenon will make it difficult to defeat loneliness as just as any other problem, it must be recognized first before healing can begin.
How can you recognize loneliness in your life? Check out these symptoms of loneliness and see if you find yourself.
Social withdrawal. You actively avoid any situation that involves other people. You may go to the event but feel alone in the crowd.
Low self-esteem. Believing only negative things about yourself undermines your confidence when in a social event or speaking to your higher-ups at work. Your self-esteem has been damaged by the sounds of your abusers as the old tapes of their words and actions continually play in your head.
Great difficulty forming intimate connections with others. You struggle to share personal thoughts and feelings. You keep your relationships shallow and superficial.
Negative self-talk. Talking trash about yourself inside and out with someone else further exacerbates the negative way you see yourself. If you find yourself calling yourself a name or exclaiming how stupid you are, you are engaging in negative self-talk.
Fear of rejection. You experience intense anxiety when you feel you will be disliked or excluded causing you to avoid someone who is attempting to get near to you.
So, are you lonely? Let me know in the comments.
There is Help for Loneliness
Because of loneliness, it may seem overwhelming and cause you to lock up. However, I encourage you to make yourself do something to get yourself out into the world again.
One, and the most sought out, method of ending your loneliness is to seek out professional help. In consulting with a mental health professional you can address the underlying causes of your social isolation and withdrawal.
Another method to overcoming loneliness is to allow yourself gradual exposure to the world. Slowly introduce yourself to social interactions such as going out for supper by yourself. By starting with low-pressure social interactions with others you will win over loneliness.
Two other methods to aid you in getting back into the world where you belong is to practice self-compassion focusing on positive affirmations and do activities that foster self-accomplishment. In doing this method, you will build your self-esteem.
If you have dissociative identity disorder you must work with a professional who is specialized in the treatment of trauma. Find someone who believes not only in you, but that also believes you can and will heal.
Ending Our Time Together
I have dissociative identity disorder and am not lonely most of the time even though I am very socially isolated from other people. I prefer it alone not because it is better for me, but because I find social settings very stressful. I always feel I have to pretend and reflect back at people who they think I am.
Loneliness is a killer as you with depression and emotional overwhelm know. How many wonderful and valuable people have we lost to suicide in the DID community? Far too many.
Don’t find yourself trapped in a life where you do not experience social interactions. Life is too short for that. If you can’t get yourself to go physically out in public, try video chatting with someone you know well. That may not be the exact type of interaction you need, but it is a starting point.
I wrote the following poem after I had been in therapy for a while. I was profoundly sad knowing my child self felt so lonely and alone. The poem speaks of the intense loneliness I experienced when I was abused, neglected, and alone.
The Loneliness of a Child
The loneliness of a child
No one to tuck her in
No one to hear her prayers
No one who really cares
The loneliness of a child
Starving for a hug
Afraid that they will hurt
Hiding inside herself
The loneliness of a child
No rescue coming
Reality too painful
Eyes filled with tears
The loneliness of a child
Hopelessly groping
Someone will help
Silently hoping
The loneliness of a child
Caught in a nightmare
Living in hell
Wishing for help that never arrives
The loneliness of a child
Cruelty unspoken
No hope, no laughter
No fear, no joy
The loneliness of a child
Reaching out to be touched
Accepting anything
Because it’s better than nothing at all
Your poem is so beautiful, and I can relate, I’ve felt lonely in the past, not so much nowadays, but after the pandemic I felt scared to leave my house for about six months, therapy helped, I addressed these issues with our therapist, who was very understanding, kind, and helpful. Xx