Healing From Feelings of Emptiness
You’re at home alone or sitting in the midst of a crowd of friends but still you feel a deep-seated lack of connection and profound feelings of emptiness. If you relate that sentence, this article is for you. We shall examine the painful emotions that often accompanies borderline personality disorder and dissociative identity disorder.
Emptiness and Borderline Personality Disorder
The mental health condition most related to having feelings of emptiness is borderline personality disorder. Therefore, I felt compelled to write a bit about it.
BPD often co-exists with dissociative identity disorder. That means that someone who has both gets a double whammy from feelings of worthlessness and loneliness.
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a mental health condition that involves emotional instability and impulsive actions that are long-term. Those living with BPD have problems regulating their emotions and other symptoms including:
Unstable emotionally. People with BPD have unstable moods that make their mood swings unpredictable.
Self-Image issues. Feeling worthless and empty are symptoms of borderline personality disorder.
Unstable relationships. These folks are known for their chaotic relationships
Impulsivity. Acting without thinking through those actions especially when the person feels negative.
Self-Harm. Unfortunately, people with BPD sometimes engage in self-damaging behavior such as having risky sex, driving recklessly, or overeating.
Because BPD forms from a childhood that is rife with abuse and abandonment, their emotions are largely unstable. It is difficult for people with borderline personality disorder to get and maintain personal relationships because of this instability.
The deep loneliness that results from the symptoms of BPD is profound as these folks struggle to feel fulfilled in their lives.
The Loneliness of Dissociative Identity Disorder
Dissociative identity disorder (DID) is a mental condition where two or more distinct identities control an individual’s behavior. Although there are many symptoms of DID, I have only listed some of them below:
Separate identities. The existence of many separate senses of self who have distinct characteristics.
Amnesia. Large gaps in memory about events from their lives and loss of time.
Dissociation. People with DID often feel detached from themselves leaving them feeling lonely, afraid, and deeply empty.
Switching. Switching from one identity to the next, bringing a change in personality, thinking, and behaviors.
Several of the above symptoms leave those who have DID vulnerable to deep-seated emptiness. Also, because of the stigma that is attached to dissociative identity disorder, those who seek treatment must walk the road less traveled with little or no support from those they know.
How to Heal from Feelings of Emptiness from Attachment Wounds
The first step in healing was seeking professional help as the emotions involved in recovering from DID are intense making support crucial to prevent suicidal thoughts or actions.
While it may seem and feel awkward talking to a stranger about how you feel inside and especially switching in front of them, it is something we must do. It is critical that we not spend our forty-fives minutes to an hour sessions dissociating and hiding feelings from the therapist. You cannot get better if you refuse to work with a mental health professional.
The next stage is to identify your attachment style. You can do this with a therapist (preferable) or by taking an online test. Many people living with DID have a disorganized attachment style meaning that the person is fearful or anxious in relationships.
Knowing one’s attachment style can help us look realistically at our relationships and whether they are healthy.
The next stage goes along with knowing your attachment style, journaling is a huge help. Putting your fears and thoughts down on paper is powerful. While this step is not mandatory, it can help.
Pulling It All Together
The purpose of this rather short article has been to enlighten those who have DID as to why they always feel so empty and alone. While the cause isn’t always lack of understanding of one’s part in the world, many times it is and we must become aware that the emptiness we are feeling comes with the DID territory.
I remember the beginning days of treatment for my case of dissociative identity disorder. I was so overwhelmed and empty. Although I was grown, I wished for my “real” parents to show up and make everything alright. The pain was palpable.
I had a really hard time in therapy for the first few years. It seemed to me that the treatment was worse than the cause, although realistically I knew that wasn’t right. Therapy was the greatest gift I ever gave myself.
The emptiness slowly dissipated as I grew stronger and became co-aware and co-powerful with my alters. Also, I suddenly realized that I was never alone as long as the others exist.
The emptiness is now filled with self-knowledge, self-love, and self-respect.
I’m here to witness that you too can obtain a peaceful mind that will carry you through whatever problems you may encounter in your life. Remember, always, that you have someone out here rooting for you!
“I said nothing for a time, just ran my fingertips along the edge of the human-shaped emptiness that had been left inside me.”
― Haruki Murakami
“We become aware of the void as we fill it.”
― Antonio Porchia