“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.” ~ Buddha
I love the above quote by Buddha. He is right, you can look forever and never find someone who is more deserving of your love than you.
Now, some people who practice religion balk at that sentiment. They would argue that loving oneself is the height of vanity. However, they would be incorrect.
Nowhere in the Bible or any other religious ancient texts does it state anywhere that one should not love oneself. These scriptures speak of not being vain, but not self-love.
Let’s Look at Some Definitions
Maybe if we look at some definitions of what vanity and self-love mean I can help you see that loving oneself is not evil at all but a wonderful asset to one’s life.
Vanity: excessive pride in or admiration of one’s own appearance or achievements.
Synonyms for vanity include conceit, narcissism, self-absorption or egotism.
Self-Love: positive regard for one’s own well-being and happiness (chiefly considered as a desirable rather than narcissistic characteristic.)
Can you see the difference?
The Old Tapes from the Past
You might be asking me, under your breath, why should I love me?
In fact, you may believe one or more of the following statements about yourself:
I’m a f*** up
I’m so ugly.
I don’t deserve anyone’s love
or the worst one of all,
I hate myself.
I Hate Myself
Let’s tackle self-hatred together.
The main reason we survivors hate ourselves is because of the horrible messages our abusers filled our minds with when we were kids.
Those statements harmed our self-esteem, self-image and our souls.
Those statements also were lies that the people who harmed use used to control us and make themselves feel better because this is how they felt inside.
They were lies. They were untrue. They were unnecessary. They should not have been said.
It’s time to reevaluate those messages and the old tapes that play in our minds that keep devaluing us and causing us to want to disappear or self-destruct.
Please, Listen to Me
You were not born thinking negative thoughts and feelings you about yourself and your worth, someone taught you that.
The reality of who you are is so much more beautiful, and I’m about to send you some new messages that I want you to at least consider.
You are NOT ugly. You are beautiful just as you are with all your physical flaws. The saying goes that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I behold you as being lovely and amazing.
You are NOT a f*** up. Sure, you’ve made some bad decisions and yes, you have made some pretty big mistakes. But you know what? Welcome to the human race. No one goes through life without f******* up. NO ONE. So, it is time you forgave yourself.
You are NOT stupid. Every person has their own level of intelligence. Some are scientifically smart, some are street smart, and some have intellectual disabilities. We are all intelligent in our own ways.
You DO deserve to be loved. There is not a person who ever lived or will ever live born into the human race who does not or did not deserve love. Even horrific people like Stalin and Hitler, just because they were human and not on the merit of their behavior and belief systems, deserved love. For some people that thought is hard to swallow, but it is reality nonetheless. So, YES, you deserve to be loved by yourself and others.
The Lasting Value of Loving Yourself
There are great rewards to be had from loving yourself, especially if you are working on issues related to dissociative identity disorder.
It is very common for we who formed alters in childhood to fear or even hate them when we discover how they have altered our lives.
But do they deserve to be hated?
After all, without our alters we would have died from the enormous internal stresses that come from attempting to survive the unsurvivable. Or, worse yet, we may have lived and gone insane and lived our lives shut up to keep ourselves and others safe.
Those part of ourselves deserve our respect and definitely our love.
Once I realized that the alters I knew were running my life on a part-time basis were hurting, lonely and angry adolescents mixed with a few confused adults, my outlook on them changed dramatically.
I understood for the first time that they were NOT my enemies and began to care deeply for them.
The kicker of that realization and the most important fact of all is that all of my alters are parts of me and I am part of them. We are all the same person. Thus, when I began to reach out, communicate with and love my alters, I was doing so to me.
I became my own mother and began to nurture and care for all my parts, even the ones who were the most troublesome.
The greatest benefit thus far from loving myself has been that I have reached a point in my healing where I am at peace with my past and myself. Oh yes, there are times when I fall apart and feel peaceless, but it soon returns.
My hope is that you will want that peace too.
Who You Really Are
If you are a man reading this post then here are some truths about you.
You are capable of much passion and love.
You are strong inside. The proof? You survived against all odds a childhood that would have killed lesser men. More proof? The very fact that you still here.
You need not worry about your physical appearance, what you do for a living, or finding a partner. Why? Because you are special and beautiful because you are capable of much passion, love and strong.
If you are a woman reading this then here are some truths about you.
You have learned from your mistakes and not forgotten how to say I’m sorry.
You look for the best in others and that makes the world a better place for all of us to live.
You also need not worry about your physical appearance or finding a partner. Why? Because you are very capable of making it on your own if need be, but because of your inner beauty someone will love you for the lovely woman you are.
Happy Valentine’s Day to you all today!
This may sound like I’m lying, but I’m going to say it anyway, I love you, even though we’ve never met.
I value you because you are imperfect, you are alive, and most of all, because you are human.
No strings attached.
“Love yourself for who you are, and trust me, if you are happy from within, you are the most beautiful person, and your smile is your best asset.” ~ Ileana D’Cruz