Further Words on Making the Decision to Live and Not Be Miserable
Posted On December 24, 2017
My post about being miserable at Christmas being a choice has left a bad taste in many people’s mouth. I thought I’d write something to further explain what the hell I’ve been rambling on about.
The article I published yesterday wasn’t written to put people down, or to try and force folks to accept anything. It was written to start a thought, to plant a seed in my reader’s minds.
The reason I wrote it was that I have become aware in my interactions with others who live with dissociative identity disorder that there is a prevailing feeling amongst us that we deserve to choose to be miserable and god help anyone who in any way shape or form that we don’t. These folks are caught up in a stage of recovery where they cling to their victimhood as if it is a badge of honor.
I understand very well this mindset. I lived that way for decades! I wholeheartedly believed that I had a right to be mad at the world and that no one had a right to challenge that belief.
Did I have a right to be pissed at all of humanity for what had happened to me? Sure. I was discovering what had happened, and the sobering knowledge that no one had stepped in to help me when I was a helpless child and needed them. There were many adults who were aware that I wasn’t well, and that there was most likely abuse involved, but no one stepped in to save me. I was left alone to face horrible abuse.
It took me decades of treatment to let go of the victim mentality that kept me trapped in my own victimhood, and miserable. That belief system was not resolved overnight, and one should ever expect them to be.
If you reread the article from yesterday, you’ll see that I do not tell people they shouldn’t feel miserable at Christmas time, I make them aware that there is a different choice. I am qualified to write those words because I know it to be true from experience. I have endured several decades of psychotherapy, and because I was so challenged, the seeds were planted for me to break free from these self-defeating thoughts.
Having reached a stage of relative stability in my life, my quest is now to reach out to all who still suffer from the effects of childhood trauma, especially those who live with DID. Do I know all there is to know about recovery? Hell no. I’m not a mental health professional, I’m just a woman who has survived against tremendous odds and wants to help others to find the way out of their own prison.
Even though some who read my article from December 23, 2017, felt I was belittling their experience, and transferred their anger for the world at large onto myself for challenging their beliefs, I am confident seeds were planted that will spur growth.
I am not at all stating that you should, “pull yourself out of it”, or “forget what happened.” I would never say, “your suffering isn’t real”, or “forget your pain.”
What I am saying, however, is that life is a lovely adventure once you pull away from the anger and pain.
I am challenging everyone to just consider the possibility that I may be right. To peek around the corner of your mind and make believe that what I have said could be true.
You might be very surprised to find the light of life looking back at you, beckoning you to come on in, the water is fine.
Just think about it.
“You have to choose your path.
You have to decide what you wish to do.
You are the only person that can determine your destiny.”
― Lailah Gifty Akita
“It’s possible to remain long in the state of deprivation if you are not aware you can escape it. Knowing what exists and who you are is enough to inform you to make ideal choices.”
― Israelmore Ayivor