I’m not sure what to title this post as it isn’t directly about dissociative identity disorder, but I feel the need to weigh in on the drama/trauma I see happening in the United States today.
This is not going to be a political piece, rather I’m going to address the effect all the hatred and fear we are all experiencing as we troll our way into 2020.
I do not want to be counted in history as someone who sat idly by while they watched their society fall apart. I also do not want to demonize anyone either. This piece is strictly about the emotions that are triggered in me and possibly by you.
Growing up I lived in a state of constant fear. I was afraid of those who harmed me and tried my best to hide either physically or mentally. Even as an adult, fear haunts me. I never feel safe, never feel sure that nothing bad is going to happen, and never feel that everything will be all right.
Now, every morning I get up and that nagging fear is amplified beyond what it was before as I am bombarded with pop-ups screaming the latest horror going on around the country. I try to avoid the news, but just by signing onto the internet to work there it is blinking to alert me of another argument, another fight, another tragedy.
Mass shootings, hatred, bigotry, yelling at each other, and all the other bullshit I see happening heightens my need to hideaway. I have always isolated, but lately, I have found myself not leaving the house for a week at a time.
The fear I feel is painful. It hurts. I can’t bear to watch my country convoluting while trying to manage the hatred that is breathed on the internet and television. Added to my own trauma history, I’m triggered all the time and do not feel safe.
Anger is Fear Filled
I cannot abide by people arguing. It shakes me to the core and can trigger me to switch or lose time. In fact, I just lost a few minutes spaced out writing about this issue.
The sound of angry voices fills my heart with apprehension that is hard to describe. I literally tremble when I turn on a social media platform and see the angry posts. I can hear the rage in them and how hurt people are by current events.
Then the mass shootings, oh my god, the mass shootings.
As a child, I didn’t know what to do with the harm people was doing to me or their livid voices. I do not know how to manage the knowledge that innocent people are being mowed down in churches, mosques, bars, and in department stores.
Is there nowhere that I can feel a little safe someplace?
Hatred is Beyond Me
The people who hurt me in childhood deserve punishment. However, I do not hate them. One reason is that my hating them would have no effect on what happened as it cannot be changed. However, the biggest reason is that hatred doesn’t harm others as much as it does the one who is hating.
It is beyond me to understand why humans would despise and kill other humans. I just don’t get it. Earth is our home, we are from the same genome, we share the same ancient ancestry, so why on earth do we hate one another?
Hating someone because they are not like you is, well, nuts in my view.
However, what I have discovered in my almost 60 years on this planet is that people hate what they fear, and they fear what they see in themselves.
Allow me to illustrate.
You and I have both seen television preachers teaching against the “sin” of homosexuality. They berate those who supposedly love differently than they do, and they teach others to believe what they do by using fear-filled rantings about how homosexuals are the reason this country is falling apart, etc.
Anyway, eventually, these same preachers were caught in bed with other men. So much for their theory and fear-filled rhetoric was bullshit and they were using the issue that they were afraid of themselves to urge others to avoid, or worse, treat the LGBTQ community badly.
The motives of these “preacher men” was to teach their followers to fear what they were themselves because they could not accept what themselves.
And, of course, feeding people hatred for others that they do not understand and refuse to try to understand, means a ton of money for these fearmongering liars.
The Civil War and Slavery Never Ended
One of the greatest tragedies in the history of the United States was the civil war. People can argue it was state’s rights that caused it all they want, but the real cause was money.
The rest of the world was abolishing slavery and refusing to transport human beings in shackles in horrendous conditions on months-long ocean voyages across the sea, but we clung to our right to own people.
You see, without slaves, the south and the north for that matter would have lost enormous amounts of money. Owners of large plantations didn’t want to lose their cash and considered human beings to be like their cattle, something they owned to use for their own purposes.
During the time of slavery, preachers and plantation owners utilized the Bible as a weapon. They convinced themselves that they were doing their slaves a favor by enslaving them. They reasoned they were rescuing their slaves who had worshiped “pagan gods” and lived like “savages” in their own lands. In effect, they were saving them from themselves.
What arrogance. What impudence. What greed.
Unfortunately, even after a bloody war where brother killed brother in battle, the war never ended. There was a treaty signed, but the slavery never ended, it just changed.
Instead of slaves, we now have surfs.
Today many people in the U.S. cannot afford proper food and housing for their families as the ultra-rich and the corporations owned by them force them to work for little pay and more than one job.
Children are left alone at home because mommy and daddy both need to work.
Owning a house or property is beyond the reach of most of us.
We have become an aristocracy with two types of citizens, the ultra-rich and the surfs, the rest of us.
The rich and even some surfs, belittle those who have less than they do. They follow the horrific lie that people of a color other than white are taking good jobs away from them when nothing could be further from the truth.
Think about it. Would you pick strawberries all day in the hot sun for 12-14 hours a day for less than minimum wage?
Would you wash toilets and clean up vomit for less than minimum wage at not one job, but two or more?
How handy it is to use other people as scapegoats for problems that cause us to fear and feel hopeless in solving. We aren’t talking about foreign aliens from another planet here, we’re talking about humanity and all of humanity deserves to be treated with dignity and respect.
It’s Time to Grow Up
It is time that humanity leaves its crib and grow out of our infancy. Killing people for resources because we crave what someone else has or because they don’t look and act just like us is infantile.
In fact, my four-year-old nephew behaves better than that.
We could all sit back and ask, has the world gone mad? Or, we can do our part to end the madness.
There are keys to get free of hatred, but we must use them.
As for me, as with those who so horribly hurt me in my childhood, I refuse to hate those who stand for fear and hatred. Two wrongs never, ever make a right. Instead, I choose to respect them and give them dignity but also to spread uplifting posts to combat those promoting divisiveness.
It’s high time humanity grew up and now is the time that it must happen. We are no longer living in a world where the worst thing that need be feared is a bullet or an arrow. Now we have the ability to completely annihilate our entire species.
Over what? Greed, avarice, envy, a strong belief that I am better than they are?
Come on. No one ever made you special. You are human just like all the rest of us and need to realize that we all die the same way, alone. Why not, instead of despising others, reach out to them and learn from them. We have a finite number of days in this world, let’s use them to uplift ourselves by uplifting others.
The following message is for those of you who do not live in the United States and are shaking your heads wondering what the hell is going on here.
Please know that it is only a small percentage of the people of the United States are haters, the rest are mystified to almost the point of the inability to act. I think we are coming out of our stupor and this madness in the United States will end. Just give us time to get our bearings back and watch as my country rises from the ashes to become stronger and better than ever before.
This website is not about politics, but I would feel remiss if I didn’t post a few articles and a short book now available on Amazon about the things that greedy people are trying to use to destroy my country.
In fact, they are trying to dominate and own the rest of us and dream of bleeding us dry of any money we own. I do not understand this line of thinking, but I do know they have told themselves, just like slave owners of the south before and during the civil war, that they have the right to use others for their own means.
The only way to fight lies and hatred is, to tell the truth, and love. I’ve posted here about forgiving our perpetrators and received many negative responses. However, to destroy an enemy with hatred and avarice is to lower ourselves to their level and become who they are.
I am not saying that they should be allowed to walk away scot-free from their crimes. I am saying that to stop such things happening in the future we need to practice what we preach and punish them by removing the obstacles they have to becoming decent and law-abiding humans.
“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.
“Love me or hate me, both are in my favour. If you love me, I will always be in your heart, and if you hate me, I will be in your mind.” ~ Qandeel Baloch