I wanted to do something special for you today, so I am giving you a funny page. This page is themed around (surprise!) baseball. I happen to love the game myself and have backed the Cubs since the 1980s. Enjoy! And thanks again for your patience while I regrouped. I feel much better!f Shirley
First Some Jokes to Make You Say Ewwww!
Did you hear the joke about the baseball? It will leave you in stitches!
What did the baseball glove say to the ball? Catch ya later!
Which baseball player holds water? The pitcher.
Why are some umpires fat? They always clean their plate!
Why are spiders good baseball players? Because they know how to catch flies!
Why are baseball games at night? Because bats sleep during the day!
Why did the police officer go to the baseball game? Someone stole second base!
Why is it so windy at Candlestick Park? Because of all the Giant Fans!
Which takes longer to run: from first to second base or from second to third base? From second to third base, because there is a short stop in the middle
Where did the baseball player wash his socks? In the bleachers.
Is There Baseball in Heaven?
Two old men had been best friends for years, and they both lived to their early 90′s when one of them suddenly falls deathly ill. His friend comes to visit him on his deathbed, and they’re reminiscing about their long friendship.
Then the friend says, “Listen when you die, do me a favor. I want to know if there’s baseball in heaven.”
The dying man said, “We’ve been friends for years, this I’ll do for you.” And then he dies.
A couple of days later, his surviving friend is sleeping when he hears his friend’s voice. The voice says, “I’ve got some good news and some bad news. The good news is that there’s baseball in heaven.”
The live friend asked, “What’s the bad news?”
The dead friend says, “You’re pitching on Wednesday.”
A Talking Dog?
Bob didn’t believe that Fred’s dog could talk. So Fred asked his dog, “What’s on top of a house?”
“Roof,” the dog barked.
Bob wasn’t convinced. So, Fred asked the dog how sandpaper feels.
The dog answers, “Rough.”
Fred still wasn’t convinced. “O.K., who was the greatest baseball player of all time?” Fred asked the dog.
The dogs then says, “Ruth.”
With that, Bob starts to walk away, shaking his head in disbelief.
The dog then turned to Fred and barked, “Was it Hank Aaron?”
Losing the Game
A rookie pitcher was struggling at the mound, so the catcher walked out to have a talk with him.
“I’ve figured out your problem,” the catcher told the pitcher. “You always lose control at the same point in every game.”
“When is that?” the pitcher asked.
The catcher smiled and said, “Right after the national anthem.”
One morning in elementary school, were going to a geography class. The teacher wanted to show the students where cities and states are. The teacher asks the class, “Does anyone know where Pittsburgh is?”
Billy raises up his hand and says, “Yeah, Pennsylvania!”.
The teacher replies, “Very good, Billy! Now can anyone tell me were Detroit is?”
Suzy raises her hand and says, “That’s in Michigan!”
The teacher again says, “Very good.” Trying to confuse the children, she now asks, “Where’s Kansas City?”
Tommy raises his hand and says, “Oh, Oh Pick me!!!, I know?”
The teacher says, “OK, Tommy where is Kansas City?”
Tommy said, “Last place.”
Take Me Out!!
No post about baseball would be complete without hearing the late Harry Carey singing