Goodbye?
I have spent the better part of seven years writing this blog and attempting to raise awareness of dissociative identity disorder. I’ve met with moderate success, but it may be time to say goodbye.
You see, I’m a human being first and right now I’m not well. I just found out I have a serious health issue that will eventually cost me my life in a most horrific way.
Besides that, I have been struggling badly lately from my fledgling trust being broken over and over again. I find that I am hesitant now to reach out any more because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt it will only lead to heartache.
So, with all due respect, I’m thinking seriously about getting out of the stigma-busting business and concentrating on fiction writing only.
This is no reflection on my readers and followers here. I just can’t allow myself to be hurt or taken advantage of any longer.
Life is too short, and mine will be shorter than most. I need to make hay while the sun shines and try to keep myself happy for as long as I can.
I’ll keep you all posted, but do not expect to see me writing large numbers of articles any longer.
I deeply care for each of you. I know that sounds like I’m just saying that, but if you knew me in person, you’d know how much that is true.
Good luck on your journey.
Shirley
I am sorry to see your blog go, but just know I am here. We have spoken in person, and you are an amazing woman. I am so sorry you’re struggling with health issues. Ray
>
Thanks Ray. I’ll be about and keep my blog open, but I must concentrate on my health. Thanks. Shirley
Shirley, I’m so sorry you are going through all of this. I wish I was there to support and help you. I am so sorry you’ve been hurt. 🙁 Please hang in there. You are wonderful.
Christine
Life isn’t easy and life isn’t fair. I’ve written those words many times on this blog. Getting hurt is part of being human, but I have to get the most mileage out of the time I have left. I’m trying desperately to get my family in a position where they can live well after I’m gone and writing about mental health is getting me no where fast. I’m switching my emphasis to fiction in the hope I get published by a publishing house. Nothing is guaranteed, but at least writing about things that are less intense will help me relax and enjoy life. I’ve been hurt by too many people lately and feel I need to hide away and not ever speak to anyone again. However, I know that isn’t possible. No one can exist in a vaccuum, not even me. I have no friends and perhaps it is better that way. I have tons of acquaintances, but no one to share my life with on a friendship or relationship level. I have a therapist, but that’s not the same thing. She gets paid to listen to me and as I learned with Paula, my first and most-beloved therapist, they have no obligations beyond their office. No love, no friendship, and no loyalty. They are professionals only. I’ve learned to accept my isolation, but it sucks.
I’m sorry, I’m unloading on you. I’ll write this in a blog post sometime this weekend and explain further not only what I’ve just said but what is wrong with me physically.
Thanks for reading my posts, and thank you for caring.
Shirley
Shirley, I am sincerely sorry to hear of your new, and, apparently, very serious health issues. While I have only commented on your blog, once or twice, I have read it religiously. I am 62 years old, a survivor, like you, of horrific childhood sexual abuse, from toddler to 17, and then beyond due to my own conduct. I still go to therapy 3 times a week, and struggle, almost daily with suicidal thoughts. And, life has been terribly unkind with event and burdens, one after the other. But, reading your blog gave me one so very important thing; knowledge that I was not alone. That there was at least one person on this earth waging the same war, and who was willing to be real and raw about it. One person who knew that living with DID is both a blessing and a curse, and did not edit the good, the bad or the ugly. Reading your blog gave me hope that I could persist despite all of it. That I could conquer the fear that blinded me to what was possible. And, I did persist. At 62, after years of believing I had something to say, but letting fear tell me otherwise, I am putting myself, my art, and my story out there. You let me see that it was possible, and, in turn, I am giving back to other survivors by sponsoring free healing art activities. By inviting them to come visit where I exhibit, and by taking money from whatever I make from any art sale, and putting it back into Art4Survivors, a new local Meetup, I have founded. I am writing all of this because, in the face of a life threatening medical issue, I think you need to know that you made a difference, and in knowing that, I hope it gives you strength to weather your storms and find peace. It is ironic that we fight through so much thinking we have finally arrived at “easy” street, and we find that “easy” street is no less easy, and has a cavernous pot hole with our name on it. I truly wish you peace, a soft place to land, and my hand should you ever need it.
Sincerely,
Cindy Warch
On Fri, Jun 14, 2019, 7:07 AM DISSOCIATIVE IDENTITY DISORDER IN A NUTSHELL wrote:
> Shirley J. Davis posted: “I have spent the better part of seven years > writing this blog and attempting to raise awareness of dissociative > identity disorder. I’ve met with moderate success, but it may be time to > say goodbye. You see, I’m a human being first and right now I’m not w” >
Oh god, you helped me today. I sincerely needed to hear what you had to say. I’ve been so down and lonely today and feeling like such a failure. It seemed none of my dreams have come true, but one vital one did, I helped at least one person to see there is life after DID. Reaching out and being real in any way, especially on my blog, is very new to me. I felt I had to say something and not just simply disappear. I won’t you know, disappear? I’m going t write more but on a smaller schedule. I’m writing a fictional book that has nothing to do with mental health and enjoying it thoroughly. It is a relief to allow myself to concentrate on it and I’m glad I can. Life is funny, isn’t it? But, like I’ve said in blog posts, life isn’t easy and life isn’t fair, there are no happy-ever-after endings, and, like you said, “easy street” doesn’t exist. You’ve given me a great idea for a post, thank you. I need to talk about how life isn’t “a box of chocolates”. Although I know what Forest’s mamma meant in the story, candy was perhaps not the object they should have used because it implies that while the world is screwing you over, you still get the prize in the end. I’m not callous enough to believe there isn’t beauty in the world, because there definitely is but I’m ready for some grieving time over what never was and I think you understand that.
Thanks, man. I needed this.
Shirley
I will miss your writing on DID. Though I fully support your pursuit of happier times and personal fulfilment. My thoughts dwell on your upcoming journies and I wish you the best in it all. Be happy as much as you can. Life is worth a few smiles. Hugs to you if you want them. And thank you for all that you have done writing on DID. It has helped me and I am sure it has helped countless others. Thank you.
I’ll still be about and i will write in my blog, just not as much. One cannot fully leave their passions, and spreading hope about DID is mine. Don’t worry, and thank you for your hope filled comment. I appreciate that. Shirley
Dear Shirley,
I have so enjoyed your blog but I actually understand how difficult it is to post new data on a daily basis. I have a close friend who has DID and I have been privileged to share some of his journey over the past 25 years. He has made great progress and, judging by the quality and understanding I see in your blog, so have you. I am sorry to hear of your physical problem but I hope it will be resolved and you will feel better. I will miss your comments and your willingness to share your feelings. Be well and hang on to your courage. Your are in my prayers.
I will be here off and on, so don’t worry, I’m not gone yet. I have received so many kind words today that I am overwhelmed. So many good people in the world! I had forgotten. I may not be advocating as loudly as before, but I’ll be about. Advocates don’t die out with a whimper, we tend to go down fighting, and that, I’m afraid, is me. Thank you, Shirley
Thank you so much, guys! Your compliments and encouragement are helping me to realize things will be okay. I mean everybody faces their mortality some time, it is as natural as birth. However, like I told my brother and I need to tell myself, “Don’t bury me before I’m dead.” I’ve always been a fighter, that’s why I have survived such horrible things in my life plus breast cancer, plus a stroke, etc. etc. etc. If I were to write a screenplay about my life, no one would believe a word of it and think me a liar. Sheesh. Anyway, you are all extremely kind! Shirley
Echoing what others have written.. will miss “seeing” you around. Want to say that we don’t agree that you haven’t had real relationships because as we read the outpouring of love here, we see valid relationships. Maybe not person to person, but your writing has definitely made an impact on others. THAT.. to us are valid relationships.
You definitely made an impact in our lives as well. We hope that what time is left is spent loving what you do and doing what you love.
We will miss you and it hurts to know that you are struggling..
Sending the love and light….
The struggle with DID seems small now compared to where I am today. I’ve was up all night last night trying to breathe and realized how horrific it will be if we can’t put this thing into remission quickly. Eventually, COPD does kill, but normally it takes a slow course, not a quick one. I’m in hope that once they get just the right balance of medications in me, I’ll be okay for a while. I’m having fun writing my fiction book. I haven’t allowed myself to enjoy that for a long time. I’ll be posting here off and on to bring the lastest research and information plus putting out there things that are preying on my mind. So, don’t worry, I’m not gone forever, at least not yet. This genetic COPD is not a good thing, but I’ve survived so much that it just seems like another day in my life. Thanks for caring, Jill. Your friendship and that of everyone who follows this blog is appreciated and the love is definitely returned. Shirley
Oh Shirley, I am so heartbroken to hear of your struggles with health and other things. I would love to stay in touch if you’d like to email me anytime neloran@gmail.com please do.
Healing thoughts to you,
Nel
Sure. I’d love that. I’ll put my email address here and I invite all to write me.
sdavis8966@hotmail.com
Hi Shirley, we’ll miss reading your writing. You’ve given a voice to all we’ve been through, hope and strength through our trials, and useful knowledge on DID. We’re truly sorry about all the health challenges you’re going through. We wish you love, peace, and strength. Thank you for everything you’ve done for us.
Aww, thank you. I’ll still be posting, just not as much. I have one more book about DID up my sleeve and it is almost done. I’ll publish it and then I’ll move on. I’m calling it The Last Book About Dissociative Identity Disorder You’ll Ever Need. It will be full of all the information and research I can pack into it. I’m hoping it will help thousands in the years to come. I’ll announce its publication here on this website. In the meantime, thank you for your well-wishes. Shirley
I just recently found your blog and have been reading recent and past posts. I want to thank you for all the time and effort you have put into researching and sharing information about DID, and for your sharing your own real life experiences and struggles. I can only echo what others have said about how much you have and do make a difference, in a good way, in so many lives, including mine/ours. It really helps to know that I am not alone in the things I struggle with and to know that there is a way to get through those hard times. Thank you, too, for reminding us to look for and enjoy the good in people and in the world, and to take time to laugh and have fun sometimes too.
I do empathize with you regarding your physical health problems, and I hope you have found some relief from them. I know it’s not easy to get through each day when physical health and mental health challenges all press down heavily and no one can help to ease those burdens.
Have you finished your fiction book? Was it published? What is the title? What is it about?
I will be praying for you to be comforted and strengthened each day, just as your words bring me, all of me, comfort and strength.