Most are familiar with the character Eeyore, a friend of Christopher Robins in the Winnie the Pooh Tales. He is negative about everything.
“Bad things always happen to me.”
“My tail fell off again.”
We all suffer sometimes from bouts of the Eeyore complex. I myself have been an Eeyore in my past, concentrating always on the negative unable to see that I make my own misery. I have trapped myself with thoughts that nothing good ever happens to me.
I’ve also spent an enormous amount of time, money, and energy wondering:
Why I was born into such a destructive family that I am a multiple?
Why am I paying for my therapy when it wasn’t my fault that I became ill?
Why should I work hard to conquer my past?
I don’t have a tail, but I have had parts fall off because of the abuse I endured as a child.
The feeling of completeness
My sense of being safe.
My trust in other human beings.
My ability to form romantic relationships.
Eventually, my sour outlook on my life cost me over seven years of my life I will never regain.
You see, Before living in a long-term psychiatric facility, I had freedom, and I lived well when compared to many people. I had my own apartment with nice furnishings and plenty of money to pay my bills plus some. However, I began to abuse my prescription medications to escape the emotions and flashbacks that haunted me after I lost my therapist Paula over bankruptcy. I felt the world owed me and that I was impotent to change my life or to live it for that matter.
In effect, I had imprisoned myself because I was too afraid to face my past and fight hard to conquer it. The result was that I entered a long-term psychiatric facility.
I had let the bastards from my childhood win.
I understand. After growing up in an abusive family, it is hard to see in adulthood the good things in life. I lived in victim mode for so long that I made it my identity and thus became negative about my life. However, there was hope for me, and the fact that I am writing this piece is proof of that.
During my confinement to the inpatient ward for over seven years, I was living like an Eeyore there too as a way of life. I got up each morning wondering why I was there and feeling so trapped I couldn’t see my way out of the situation I was in. Then one morning I awoke to the fact that I did not want to be a prisoner any longer. I wanted to leave my safe hide away and try my best to build a life and writing career in the real world in the final decades of my life.
Finally, I left that facility and moved back into the real world feeling empowered and wanting to spread the fact that there is life after childhood trauma. There is life although you live with the diagnosis of a severe mental health disorder such as dissociative identity disorder.
As an Eeyore, I hated my life but now I live in each day as they come and try to concentrate on the good things going on all around me.
The beauty of a sunrise.
The cuteness of a newborn babe.
The warm comfort of a good friend.
The stars at night.
Having you guys read my blog. (You may never know just how much that means to me.)
Life is full of decisions and we make our own success or prison bars. Changing stinking thinking into gratitude and empowerment breaks the chains our traumatizers placed around us and offers a life of empowerment in their stead.
I have much to be grateful for therefore I choose to have an attitude of gratitude. I refuse to believe that I am a broken woman. I refuse not to fight. I will never, ever allow the bastards who harmed me in my past win again.
I chose not to be an Eeyore.
“Stop giving people the power to steal your peace. It belongs to you and no one should be able to run away with it.” ~ A. Elle
“You do have a story inside you; it lies articulate and waiting to be written behind your silence and your suffering.” ~ Anne Rice