Survivors who struggle with DID and complex post-traumatic stress disorder often fight feelings of being inferior or not good enough. We focus so much on our downfalls and mistakes that we lose sight of the good things we do and the positive traits we bear.
In this piece, we shall examine what it is that makes a person good enough.
Why Don’t We Feel Good Enough?
Many times, the reason we spend so much time feeling not good enough is that we have so much negative self-talk going on in our minds.
Not only does our inner critic put us down, but it also replays the messages we heard during the trauma we survived. If we were told we were ugly, we internalized those words and thus began to believe that we were unattractive and not good enough.
To counteract the inner critic’s repeating negative messages to us over and over again, we need to go to war.
The first battle is to rid the inner critic of the power it has over how we see the good we have done and our successes. The inner critic would have us believe that they are puny or not essential. But by taking a long, hard look at our successes, we can realize that we have done some incredible things in our short time here.
The next battle will be to end the ruminating thoughts that enslave our minds. Thinking over an action for a time is healthy and normal but ruminating over it, beating yourself up for a mistake in judgment or a public error isn’t. We need to remove the ammunition from the inner critic by stopping our ruminating thoughts and replacing them with solid positive ones of hope and compassion for ourselves.
The last battle entails balancing the acceptance of ourselves with self-improvement. It is good to accept ourselves as we are, but it needs to be offset by increasing our drive to improve who we are as a people. The inner critic has no ammunition to defeat self-improvement and self-acceptance. His voice will quiet, and he will lose the war for our peace.
What Does Good Enough Mean?
Being good enough means a lot of different things. In fact, there are almost as many definitions of good enough as there are people on planet earth. However, we can explore some of the most basic and unchangeable of what makes a person good enough.
Being good enough means you were made to be you, as you are, on purpose.
There has been no mistake; you are the person you are on purpose and put in this place at this time on purpose. You belong here on this planet and have a place here whether you feel that way or not.
You cannot escape the human condition, and you should not want to, for it is beautiful in all its complexity. There is loveliness in brokenness and in how you live your life every day. Even your struggles are stunning in their gorgeousness because only those who are genuinely alive do battle with life.
Between the sorrowful days, there are bright and sunny days where you can shine in your uniqueness, offering your presence to a lonely world. You are needed, you are vital, you are a binding force on planet earth.
How Do We Become Good Enough?
Now that’s a brilliant question. How do we change ourselves so that we are absolutely good enough?
First of all, we need to conquer our fear and believe in ourselves. Often survivors will undervalue their worth to the world, thinking they have nothing good to contribute, but that is not true. Like you and me, all Survivors are much needed in the world to add our voices and bring sanity to the insanity around us.
Second, we must begin to accept that we are beautiful people inside and out. With all our injuries, scars, and imperfections, we are lovely people who deserve compassion and love. This quote by an unknown author states it well, “Oh, my darling, it’s true. Beautiful things have dents and scratches too.”
Third, we become good enough when we look in the mirror and see ourselves as we indeed are without flinching away. That image looking back at you isn’t a monster from the pits of hell, it is you, and you are wonderfully and mysteriously made, to quote the Bible. There is nothing about you that isn’t special and unique, and that in and of itself makes you enough.
You Are Already Good Enough
There is no need to remake who you are as a person, no need to conform to someone else’s definition of good enough.
You don’t need to lose weight
You don’t need to get a different hair cut
You don’t need to buy the right car or motorbike
You don’t need to run with the right crowd
You don’t need to earn more money
You don’t need fame
You don’t need a college degree
You don’t need a high-status job
You are good enough just as you are if you are:
Someone who cries into their pillow at night
Someone who embarrassed themselves at work
A person who lost their way in substance abuse
A parent questioning their every decision
Someone who loves their children
Just because you are you
You are good enough because you can grow and change.
You are good enough because you continue to fight and to become
You are good enough because you are not trying to prove yourself to anyone
Nor do you need to.
You are a fragile, wonderful, imperfect human being, and that is enough.
“At the end of the day, darling, you are enough. You always have been. It may have taken you a while to see that and to finally reach this place, but you have always been enough.” ~ Lacey Ramburger
“Our world needs you right now; don’t take your life. You matter you are enough, and you are more.” ~ Olawale Daniel
“Sometimes it takes getting pushed to the very edge before you can find your voice and courage to speak out again. Sometimes it takes hitting that rock bottom to realize you’re done descending, and it’s time to rise. Sometimes it takes being told you’re nothing—being made to feel like you’re nothing—to help you see that you are complete. YOU. ARE. ENOUGH.” ~ Mandy Hale