The Right to Marry and Raise Children
Most people, at some point, desire to have children; it is a human need. People in the LGBTQ+ community are no exception, as they wish to become parents. This article will focus on raising children in an LGBTQ+ household, some of the trauma associated with it, and how married same-sex couples make great parents.
The Right to Marry
In 2015, the Supreme Court decided in the Obergefell v. Hodges case that same-sex couples had the constitutional right to marry the person they adored.
Then in July 2020, there was an effort to reaffirm that the freedom to marry is settled law and provide clarity to millions of families, offering protection from attacks from a conservative Supreme Court.
Unfortunately, that bill has stalled because the Senate has not considered the bill.
In a Gallup poll taken in June 2022, 71% of Americans approve and support marriage equality. That is a lot of people who favor marriage for same-sex couples.
Constantly living in a society that includes people who ignore your needs dramatically impacts your life and causes traumatic reactions in some LBGTQ+ people. When it is at its worst, the trauma is a first-class ticket to forming post-traumatic stress disorder. Also, if the person was traumatized as a child, they might also live with complex post-traumatic stress disorder.
The Right to Be Parents
The instinctual need to raise children is so strong that many same-sex couples begin taking actions that will lead to them having kids.
The Family Equality Council found in their research that 63% of LGBTQ+ millennials are becoming parents or having more children. Adoption is also an option; and surrogate mothers are sometimes employed to give a better chance of obtaining a baby.
Adoption is still illegal in eleven states for same-sex couples. They object to using taxpayer-funded adoption and foster care agencies and turn away highly qualified parents because they are in the LBGTQ+ community. Unfortunately, other states are considering similar laws against 77% of people in the United States who do not support this type of discrimination.
The stress and trauma that same-sex couples go through are palpable. There are often rigorous restrictions for anyone to adopt a child or to become a foster parent. Same-sex couples face those restrictions plus discrimination, and this trauma has consequences for their mental well-being.
How is it Growing Up in an LGBTQ+ Home?
Children brought up in LGBTQ+ homes are just as stable and mentally healthy as children raised in straight households. Indeed, it has been this author’s experience that those dedicated to their marriage and relationship are terrific parents, and their children should be envied.
A study by Manning, Fettro, and Lamidi, 2014, used literature from the National Library of Medicine and other studies about child well-being in same-sex families. They concluded that any differences between same-sex parents and others were primarily due to socioeconomic situations.
Below is the researcher’s conclusion.
“We conclude that there is a clear consensus in the social science literature indicating that American children living within same-sex parent households fare just as well as those children residing within different-sex parent households over a wide array of well-being measures: academic performance, cognitive development, social development, psychological health, early sexual activity, and substance abuse.
Our literature assessment is based on credible and methodologically sound studies that compare well-being outcomes of children residing within same-sex and different-sex parent families.”
It would appear that growing up with loving parents, no matter their gender identity or sexual orientation is just as effective as growing up in heterosexual homes.
Times are Slowly Changing for the Better
At one dark point in U.S. history, it was against the law to engage in loving homosexual relationships. Before 2003, same-sex activity was illegal in fourteen U.S. states and the U.S. military. There were laws against what was termed ‘sodomy’ that held heavy consequences.
However, on June 26, 2003, the Supreme Court decided that intimate consensual sexual conduct is protected under the fourteenth amendment. In other words, ‘sodomy’ laws were unconstitutional.
It is necessary to note that some states still did not repeal their sodomy laws. Because sodomy is technically illegal in these states, law enforcement officers have harassed and arrested gay people using an unconstitutional ban.
Georgia, Louisiana, and Massachusetts all have had their ‘sodomy’ laws struck down in the court system. Yet, the state legislatures of these states have not repealed those laws, so same-sex relationships are technically illegal.
To show how backward the treatment of the LBGTQ+ community is, one must ponder that these laws and the debates about the freedoms of same-sex couples are taking place not in the 1800s but in 2023.
What Can You Do to Help End Discrimination Against the LGBTQ+ Community?
While it may seem hopeless at times, the discrimination will end, and acceptance become the norm. But first, we must change attitudes and band together for the greater good.
One thing you can do is not allow yourself or others to use slurs to describe the LGBTQ+ community. Commit to using a person’s preferred pronouns, and refrain from using slur words that inappropriately describe a member of the LGBTQ+ community. Instead, use their name and keep a tight rein on your words.
Another way to safely end stigma is not to work alone. You need other members of the LGBTQ+ community and allies to help you face the day-to-day challenges of living your authentic self. Reach out to friends and allies for support, and remember, you are only as lonely as you choose to be.
The public, especially in the current environment, tries to dehumanize community members and lump them all into one mold. However, telling your story is another powerful way to end the stigma. Speak at venues where you can tell what you’ve been through to make your audience realize you are human. It is hard to hate when you realize the humanity of the LBGTQ+ community. With much visibility comes some risk and, perhaps, healing.
Ending Our Time Together
This series of articles on different aspects of the LGBTQ+ community has been difficult for me to write, not because I harbor any ill will against the community, but because I am emotionally invested.
Every year during Pride, I find myself missing my cousin, who identified as a male gay man. I loved Mark to pieces, but he died young because he felt like an outcast in his family.
I don’t like to think of how many people in the LGBTQ+ community live day to day in worry and depression because society has not entirely accepted them yet. Some reading this piece are feeling overwhelmed and suicidal. Reach out to your support system, or if the urges are strong, go to the ER immediately. We cannot afford to lose your voice, and we love you.
Pride month is nearly over, but the joy must go on. Be proud of who you are, and don’t let the negativity thrown at you enter your heart. Instead, counteract the stigma by being the wonderful person I know you are.
Remember, you always have an ally in the world who is rooting for you and hoping for you all the best. Me.
“I know it seems hard sometimes, but remember one thing. Through every dark night, there’s a bright day after that. So no matter how hard it gets, stick your chest out, keep ya head up, and handle it.” — Tupac Shakur
“Lift your head up high and scream to the world. I know I am someone and let the truth unfurl.” — Michael Jackson
References
Bristowe, K., Hodson, M., Wee, B., Almack, K., Johnson, K., Daveson, B. A., … & Harding, R. (2018). Recommendations to reduce inequalities for LGBT people facing advanced illness: ACCESSCare national qualitative interview study. Palliative Medicine, 32(1), 23-35.
Manning WD, Fettro MN, Lamidi E. Child Well-Being in Same-Sex Parent Families: Review of Research Prepared for American Sociological Association Amicus Brief. Popul Res Policy Rev. 2014 Aug 1;33(4):485-502. doi 10.1007/s11113-014-9329-6. PMID: 25018575; PMCID: PMC4091994.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4091994/
GLAAD Media Reference Guide-In Focus: Family and Parenting. GLAAD. https://glaad.org/reference/family/