How and Why the Host Goes Dormant
Those with dissociative identity disorder (DID) have become accustomed to hearing and working with their alters. Alters have become integral to who they are and work hard to bring them the love and dignity they deserve.
There can be little more daunting situation than for an alter to go into dormancy. Although later, people with DID understand what has happened, that knowledge does not stop the fear they may feel.
This article will spotlight host dormancy and how it affects people living with DID.
The Differences Between the Core and the Host
Before we begin, it is vital to understand the differences between a core alter and one who is considered the host.
The core is thought by some to be the original first alter born into the body. Some people consider the core to be the system’s owner, while others think of them as a lost alter who has gone entirely dormant or who was preverbal before other alters could form.
There is a school of thought among those with DID that the core is the part that the others were created to protect, while others see them as just another self-state. Because having a core alter doesn’t fit the theory of structural dissociation, there is a controversy as to the existence of core alters. However, the website Dissociative Identity Disorder Research had this to say about the theory of structural dissociation.
“(the theory of structural dissociation) signals an attempt to force reality to fit theory instead of theory to fit reality. Regardless, the theory of structural dissociation does not actually have to be taken to mean that all DID systems with cores are either mistaken or actually have other specified dissociative disorder subtypes instead. Rather, one has to examine the theory as it exists on a spectrum to conceptualize how an early failure of integration could still allow one part to integrate before others.”
The host is the alter who most commonly fronts and lives with the effects of dissociative identity disorder, such as amnesia or feeling the emotions of the others without understanding where they come from. Hosts are also responsible for the person living in the real world and taking on daily life.
Sometimes there is more than one host as each must manage specialized functions such as attending school, raising the children, or working. Another way of putting it is that hosts function at a conscious level and may or may not be aware of the existence of the others.
Often, hosts are unaware of the trauma that caused the existence of their alters and find it very difficult to accept that they are telling the truth when the memories of abuse emerge. They also have difficulty accepting that they are a multiple and may view themselves as the core.
The Definition of Dormancy
The word dormancy means many things, including being in a state of deep sleep, the state of being temporarily inactive or inoperative, or in an inactive phase but not cured. Dormancy can also mean no longer exhibiting symptoms but only temporarily.
Dormant alters haven’t gone anywhere; they are still present but have gone into hiding or do not communicate for a while. Most alters go in and out of dormancy as they wish but are often regulated by a gatekeeper who controls who goes in and out of a DID system.
Some people know when an alter goes dormant, especially if they have many, many alters in their system. Others are keenly aware that they do not hear the voices of the dormant alter and worry they have gone away for good or have died.
Alters in a DID system CAN NOT die. They are all parts of one person whose personality did not form correctly due to severe and repeated childhood trauma.
Some reasons a host may go dormant may include the host becoming overwhelmed by the job they must do to keep the system functioning, feeling afraid, or needing a break from the struggle. For whatever reason a host goes dormant, it is often frightening to the rest of the system, causing more chaos.
What is important to remember is that although the host has gone dormant, they are still in existence, just in a coma-like state where they are partially aware of what is happening in the person’s life.
Dormancy or Integration?
While integration is the terrible “I” word, it is worth exploring whether a missing host has become part of another alter. Like all other alters who integrate, hosts may seem to have disappeared when they have taken on the traits, skills, memories, and quirks of the alter with whom they have fused.
Also, like other alters, hosts, absorb fragment alters and form whole alters that may be unrecognizable to the person living with dissociative identity disorder. This remarkable process can leave the person lost at first but reaping benefits later.
Integration does not mean forming one whole personality without alters. Instead, integration means that the alters in a DID system fuse together and move in the same direction. The alters now share most memories but have put them to rest, in the past, where they belong. Alters in a fused system mostly remember what happened to them but do not react to those memories the same.
To fuse, individuals living with DID must take ownership of their thoughts, memories, urges, actions, skills, and feelings. Fusion might happen spontaneously when the alters have resolved what formed them in the first place.
People with dissociative identity disorder have the choice to fuse or not to fuse. However, if they choose not to fuse, they may or may not face many years of further chaos.
Can You Awaken a Host from Dormancy?
The above question’s answer is unclear, so my answer may seem unsatisfactory.
Yes, hosts can and do awaken from dormancy, but you, as a different alter, may not wake them up. It is up to the gatekeeper in your system to decide if and when an alter will return.
Jackson McCabe, on Quora, gave this answer when she was asked if you can wake up a dormant alter.
“Yes! … I woke one of my alters up from a two-year dormancy by speaking to her directly, in a dark and quiet place where I was entirely focused on her. I invited her into my life, expressed a need to have her with me, and told her that I loved her and wanted to help her heal now that I knew she was an alter. I told her that she was my family, and I was devastated to have her gone, that I was lonely and scared without her.”
McCabe’s answer and this piece are her and my opinion only and may not reflect the experiences of every multiple. If you have had experiences with losing alters, especially hosts, to dormancy, please leave a comment to explain your experience.
Ending Our Time Together
I am not the host; I am an alter named Morgan. My host went dormant in 1990, soon after I was diagnosed with DID. I know how frustrating and fearful it is to lose a host to dormancy. I desperately wanted her to wake up and take over the responsibilities suddenly thrust on me.
Suddenly, I was the alter in charge, and I had no clue what to do. I tried to explain to my therapist what had happened, and one day she finally understood. She told me I was the best thing my system had going for us since I was the one who knew how to deal with the daily challenges in my life.
I wasn’t happy about becoming the pack leader, but I had no choice. I didn’t try to awaken the past host; I just let her be and hoped someday she would return. Keep in mind that you cannot force a dormant host to the surface.
I hope this article has helped to ease some of your discomfort about dormant hosts. Whether you attempt to awaken yours or let them be is up to you.
“The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind.” — William James
References
Hart, O. (2008) Structural Dissociation of the Personality: The Key to Understanding Chronic Traumatization and Its Treatment. Retrieved from European Society for Trauma and Dissociation site: http://www.estd.org/conferences/presentations/Onno%20van%20der%20Hart.pdf.
Structural Dissociation and Cores. Dissociative Identity Disorder Research. Retrieved from: https://did-research.org/
Power to the plurals. Can alters die & what is dormancy in dissociative identity disorder? Retrieved from: https://powertotheplurals.com/can-alters-die-what-is-dormancy-in-did/
I had a question.
My system has been diagnosed very recently (about a month ago) and everything went great, i am the second most fronter of our system and i have been working hard with the host for a while, although, one day she totally disappeared, i cannot feel her like i used to, neither of the other alters apparently. Which i why i made my way through your article, although, reading it is kinda concerning me as the host of our system has been « assigned » the gatekeeper alter role (if it makes easier to explain, i am really bad at « wording »). Although, you mention that the gatekeeper has to be the one determining whether if the alter can be waking up or not. So i am kinda concerned about it…
I AM BEGINNING to understand. I feel like the real me was pushed back into hiding when I was 6 because it was not safe to be outspoken and honest. I became a timid severely shy little girl who was afraid of adults and afraid of everyone. I even had selective mutism until my 20’s.. I suffered with addiction and the traits came out some when i was drinking but they always caused more trouble than it was worth
. I didn’t know who I was. I got sober for 8 yrs and I never felt whole I just had a front that played the part of being responsible etc. but I was always sickened by it I could never stand up for my self. Then I went through a grave relapse and I was tested by the enemy and remembered that I was Gods child and that angels had been fighting for me while I was in suspended animation. Asleep dormant. Now I love myself and I stand up for myself but so sloppy and I still have disassociate PTSD episodes. I want to be me the child that I lost all those years ago I want to be safe to be here and protect her the right way. I missed 3 therapy sessions I am scared.
Hi guys.
I experienced ‘myself’ or this part that is out now that does most of the talking as gone
or not available when somebody called at my address without telling me first.
It was the mental health service and they were told not to turn up unannounced by my GP in his referral. They were called out because of the state of my home, I cannot manage it because different parts are out at different times. I feel like I’m constantly coming round and it’s messy again.
Anyway, these mental health people turned up three times in two weeks unannounced. I and
all parts of us that were out were were very frightened by it. Extremely traumatised each time it happened.
I wasn’t ‘around’ for most of it so when they turned up unannounced again and this time one of us opened the door I remember ‘looking through my own eyes’ at them but observing somebody else saying: the person you need to speak to isn’t here. They looked at me as if I was strange and I just said the person isn’t out and they said sarcastically: what do you mean is not out. This showed a distinct lack of training on their part. These were a mental health team and they had no idea what disassociation looked like.
I’ve never experienced somebody else speaking for me before because people don’t turn up unannounced. All of my interactions are planned beforehand so I have time to bring me forward for any social interactions. I never knew that I went away most of the time.
It was at that moment that I realised I’m just one of many, I’m not ‘the real one’ or out for the majority of the time – other parts are! It was a horrible way to find out but at least I now know.
There is a reason why certain things make me anxious and there is a reason why I do things in a certain way. I just hadn’t realised the system was this complex. I hadn’t realised that different parts were keeping so much from me. I also believe they were doing it for my own good because they don’t know any better.
Until I receive proper support for this condition things will remain this fragmented and chaotic.
I had a partial diagnosis in 2013 and I’ve been asking for help ever since. I meet a new psychiatrist on the 7th of December 2023 and I really hope things will move forward for us.
Best wishes to everybody reading,
Jay and a few others for this
Thank you for the comment. I hope things work out for you. 💓
My system is egalitarian with agreed upon rules/structures and gatekeeper-type functions that will disconnect errant parts from external action…but no defined “core” or “host”. We come + go as please as long as structure is maintained and “active” parts smoothly pass role before leaving. However, we do have times when the structure or parts expert at a particular function go into dormancy and leave rest scrambling. While we cannot force anyone out, we find we usually can ask why a part withdrew. If listen quietly and patiently in safe place (and know it may take up to 72 hours for response if part went “deep” into sleep!) we usually always get an explanation. Sometimes it cannot be changed – part is exhausted or overwhelmed and not ready to return for example – but often the part has encountered a specific challenge or circumstance they are not able to work with. In these cases, we sometimes can convince them to join a group effort as advisor/observer or deliberately create a space/time that is free of the problem where they can come out (like, if a part cannot handle a change in work environment and specifies what problem is, may be able to leave during work day and come out at home if other parts ensure the work issue is not brought home…). I have a number of parts that were once major external presences but now mostly observe and offer intelligent commentary or opinions only during our daily (or occasionally weekly) “safe, open” time. We do find having an hour before bed and an optional weekend day away from outside pressure or scheduled activities allows these parts to safely communicate when they aren’t willing to work externally. This practice has made our cooperative existence much, much smoother!
Thank you for your comment it adds yet another dimension to the DID story. There are so many different experiences with DID that I could only cover one tiny aspect of it from my own experience. Thanks again. I’m sure other readers will find your comment helpful. Shirley