Telling Your Family You Have Dissociative Identity Disorder

Posted On September 22, 2023

The dissociative identity disorder diagnosis is challenging for us who have it to bear. We long to tell someone we can trust about our problem, but what the public knows about DID is far overshadowed by what they do not.

 

Most of us want to turn to our family and friends for support but are afraid and have reason to. This article will focus on telling your family and friends that you have dissociative identity disorder.

 

Colored by the Movies

 

 

The media tends to paint those who have DID as unstable and murderous. Movies like Split and Sybil make us look like we have either murderous tendencies or that we switch in public and stand in a water fountain.

 

Of course, none of these narratives tell the truth. Indeed, most people with dissociative identity disorder rarely switch in public where others can notice. The whole purpose of DID is to hide. Why would we want to act abnormally in public and get noticed?

 

The movies and, occasionally, television programs color our positive traits and trade them in for false narratives. It is no wonder that our families and friends do not believe us.

 

Why Telling Your Folks You Have DID is So Scary

 

 Because of the misleading media coverage, many of us face explaining our diagnosis to people who have been biased against us. It is challenging to explain DID anyway but add Sybil into the mix, and you’ve got people who are also biased.

 

The greatest fear most people living with dissociative identity disorder face is rejection. We were rejected as children by the people we were supposed to count on for all our needs. Instead of protecting us, our parents and guardians left us to fend for ourselves.

 

We were abused in the worst fashion by people who we loved. We were bound to feel rejected. This rejection is one reason we found alternative ways to function, thus DID.

 

Looking through the lens of rejection, you can understand why we are terrified of telling our family and friends we have dissociative identity disorder.

 

 

What You and I Can Do To Change the Narrative

 

First, you must plan ahead for your conversation with your family and friends. Know ahead of time what it is you wish to accomplish by telling the people in your life that you have DID. Realistically consider their reactions as they may misbehave when confronted with your diagnosis and why you have it. Be prepared to leave to keep them from making you doubt who you are.

 

Second, we need to remember that we are not broken or crazy. We must hold firm boundaries against anyone telling us we need to come back when we have figured ourselves out. People discriminate against us because we have a logical disorder they caused, and thus we need to be strong.

 

Third, we need to begin advocating for ourselves. Advocating for ourselves involves knowing who we are and not allowing anyone to cross our boundaries or gaslight us.

 

Gaslighting is when someone makes you question yourself when they say things like, “That never happened,” or “Maybe you don’t remember things as they happened.” It is critical to remain calm but firm that you are not making these things up and then leave if they will not back down. You do not have to remain in a situation where you are made to question your sanity or your safety.

 

Advocating for Yourself

 

 

Naturally, you want your family and friends to help you on your trip down the road less taken. However, most multiples forget how horrible their family and friends have been and look for support and help from people who are dry wells.

 

Dry wells are people who have nothing of use to offer you. Dry wells are people who are empty emotionally and can only do you more harm than good.

 

Here are some things to remember when confronting family or friends about your diagnosis.

 

Believe in yourself. You are NOT making things up. If you were, you wouldn’t be worried that you are making your abuse up. You are telling the truth; remember that.

 

Be assertive. It is often difficult for those with DID to be assertive, but if we are not, we will allow family and friends to gaslight us. We don’t want that. We are powerful and strong or would not have survived our childhoods.

 

Know what it is you want from your family and friends. Do you want them to support you in your struggles, or do you want them to admit what they have done? Neither of the above wants is realistic in your situation. They may never support or admit what they did because they want to protect themselves; to hell with your needs.

 

Don’t give up on yourself. Just because someone in your family or one of your friends tells you that you are crazy or worse does not mean it is true. You are a wonderful person who deserves love, admiration, and respect.

 

Practice self-care. Remember to take care of your hygiene, eat right, and tell yourself how courageous you are because you are.

 

Look in the mirror every morning and tell yourself that you love you. This exercise will be very tough at the start as you look away in disgust; however, if you keep doing this exercise every day, you will find that all of you will receive the message and be less likely to internalize negative messages your family and friends may throw at you.

 

Remember, you always have the option to leave and not speak to people who cut you down. You need not give an excuse; just leave. Begin to seek out full wells that can support and care for you.

 

Ending Our Time Together

 

I remember when I told my family I had dissociative identity disorder. I was terrified, and rightly so, as my mother claimed she had done nothing wrong even before I told her the cause of my condition. To her death, she claimed innocence that was not hers.

 

My brothers thought I had gone around the bend, telling me my therapist was making me crazy and believing I had DID. My youngest brother began to support and believe me decades later, but the other still thinks I’m “poor Shirley.”

 

It is critical to find wells with water in them. I sought out people and found some good friends and some jokers who stopped interacting with me when I told them.

 

They were empty wells where the other people were full.

 

I hope this article has helped even a tiny amount to reinforce and support you. No, you are not crazy because you have dissociative identity disorder. You are a survivor of the worst types of abuse, and you should remember that. The people, especially family that you want to support you may not be capable of it because they will never be able to say two simple words…

 

I’m sorry.

 

“Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it.” – Tori Amos.

 

“Healing is embracing what is most feared; healing is opening what has been closed, softening what has hardened into obstruction, healing is learning to trust life.” – Jeanne Achterberg.