The Ten Stages of Healing from Dissociative Identity Disorder
This information and much more is found in my book THE CORNERSTONE OF HEALING available at Amazon.com.
One may wonder how healing happens when recovering from DID.
Like with the stages of grieving, the stages of healing from DID are crucial parts of recovering from the trauma that causes dissociative identity disorder. The stages described below aren’t usually a neat and pretty list of what to expect as one may pass through each stage more than once and out of order.
One: Suspicion. That Something is Wrong. Most people who have DID have always known something was different about them. They may have experienced hearing or feeling the others in their system and been called liars over events for which they have no memory. As an adult, the experiences they had as a child growing up suddenly are magnified and hamper normal life driving the person directly to psychiatric help.
Two: Discovery. Having found a therapist or other mental health professional, the multiple eventually receives the diagnosis of DID. Eventually is because on average, it takes eleven years of misdiagnosis and useless treatment before the true nature of the disorder is diagnosed. However, once diagnosed the person with DID usually has one of two responses: fear or relief that they finally have a name for what has been a life-long challenge.
Three: Chaos. Working hard with a therapist, some of the amnesiac walls begin to crumble as the host begins to understand more and more about what happened to them in childhood. As the alters in the person’s system become aware of one another some of the most troubling of the symptoms worsen.
Four: Grieving. During this stage, the individual with DID begins to grieve over the childhood they had stolen from them by their abusers and over lost opportunities as adults. Perhaps they did not go to college and get the career they always wanted because they were too ill to do so. This stage is possibly the most dangerous as those living with DID may become overwhelmed and decide to give up. During this stage, it is vital that therapists and the person keep a close eye on their thoughts and behaviors and if they turn suicidal to seek help immediately.
Five: Learning. One learns to cope with the memories and flashbacks through various grounding techniques. The memories that surface, once worked through, begin to fade into the past where they belong without minimizing or forgetting them.
Six: Reaching Out. The person who has been struggling with the issues surrounding dissociative identity disorder begins to reach out to other people who have also experienced childhood trauma and those who have not. The quote “no man is an island” is understood to be true even for people with DID. Making friends with others is vital to the healing process.
Seven: Dependence. In stage seven, the person living with DID has become dependent on the concern and care of their therapist. It is not dangerous for clients to become attached to their therapist so long as the therapist keeps their professional perspective. In many ways, the therapist becomes a temporary substitute parent to the person in healing until they are strong enough to parent themselves.
Eight: Acceptance. Finally, the person diagnosed with dissociative identity disorder is capable of accepting both the past and the present as what they are, no more and no less. The person begins to understand that they are a culmination of their memories, both good and bad, and begin to look forward to the future.
Nine: Resolution. In this stage, the person with DID decides they have remembered all they need to and cried all the tears necessary. Finally feel they can allow the memories of what happened to live in the past and reclaim the present.
Ten: Moving On. It is time for the person to leave their therapist as they have stabilized and can now continue with life. That does not mean they will never have problems with DID again. On the contrary, they will never fully heal from DID as it is a life-long illness. What it does means is that the person can now control most of their behavior and live a full and happy life.
How To Help a Friend or Relative Who Has Dissociative Identity Disorder
As a friend, relative, or treatment provider you might be wondering what you can do to help a person living with dissociative identity disorder.
Helping as a friend or loved one. The very best thing you can do for your person is to listen without judgment to what they have to say about their illness. If you meet an alter, don’t panic. Instead, feel privileged because your person showing you their alters means they deeply trust you. Keep an open mind and read all you can to understand DID better. Try to accept your loved one’s diagnosis and remember the alters are all parts of your friend; they are not aliens or demons living inside them. Your loved one was the victim of horrendous abuse and neglect when they were kids and need love and understanding from you now more than ever before.
Helping a client. As an adult, the experiences your client had as a child growing up suddenly hamper normal life. This even drives the person directly to psychiatric help. Being the therapist of someone who has DID is challenging. Your client sits in your office with a jumble of emotions and alternate selves who do not trust you and may attempt to reject you before you reject them. The most important and greatest thing you can do for your clients with DID is to believe in them and never give up on them. If you do not believe your client with DID can heal, they will know and they won’t. Recommend them to someone else who does.
Ending Our Time Together
It is critical to remember that the above-mentioned stages may not happen in the order written. Step six may happen after step seven, dependence.
I know in my healing from dissociative identity disorder that personally my steps were a bit out of order and step seven, dependence, lasted a long time before I was able to move on.
Take your time when traveling down the road less taken, at the end of the path is serenity and acceptance of yourself.
This is mostly accurate; however, I think it needs to be said that healing is not linear, and stages often repeat. Also, complete healing is possible. If a person chooses to integrate and fuse alters into one person, then they will no longer meet the criteria for DID. If they no longer meet the criteria for DID then they are considered healed. PTSD and C-PTSD in the person appear to be chronic conditions that improve with hard work, but never fully heal.
Hi Shirley, this is an incredibly helpful road map. Thank you so much!!! Not to mention the validation and the hope it sustains, when progress is naturally and necessarily so slow. You prompted me to sit down and write down my experience in each of these categories and it is such a gift to get clarity and implied companionship. Thank you!!!!